Jin Ling... really isn't sure how to deal with someone else being in a more emotionally volatile state than he is. It isn't a situation that comes up often.
He remembers a lot more than just the date. He remembers how birthdays matter to Meng Yao. He remembers what he had said that night in Guanyin temple. One son given a birthday feast, one kicked down the stairs of Jinlintai.
Of all the things that his uncle said that night, the way he had said it had cut deeper than the string on his throat, than the betrayal of using him as a hostage. Though Jin Ling had done a lot of yelling about his uncle almost killing him, that had never been the part which had broken Jin Ling. He still isn't sure whether his uncle had said what he did in the way that he did it out of desperation for Jin Ling to understand his pain or because he'd wanted to cut a hole in Jin Ling that will never heal.
That's the real gulf that he's reaching across here. The one where his uncle had made his father's death a footnote to his own pain, and the day that marks it.
He doesn't feel his uncle's really entitled to the sobbing.
"Come on," he says, acting a little bit gruff because he doesn't know how to deal with his uncle's emotions and also he doesn't want to. But he does want to be here and to give him this.
Dislodging him gently, Jin Ling keeps an arm around his uncle as he guides him over to the couch, sitting them both down and cuddling against his side, head on his uncle's shoulder.
He has forced Jin Ling down a path similar to his own. Except this child never knew his father or mother; Meng Yao at least had his mother - she had been his confidante and his teacher - and he had a chance to understand his father's nature. Jin Ling had been an innocent baby when he was denied parental affection.
He will never forgive himself - and he shouldn't. As good as he is at making others into puppets, he should have pulled back. He could have done so and Jin Zixuan would have lived; Jiang Yanli wouldn't have had to protect Wei Wuxian.
The tragedy had been acted out by others, but he had been the author. And the man he became during it all was a thousand times worse than his father had ever been.
He can be better than that. Jin Ling has his love and his regret and that is what spurs the tears. Meng Yao isn't even embarrassed to show the emotion or to greedily hold Jin Ling against his side once they are settled.
"You have done nothing wrong." he whispers, "I do love you, Jin Ling, and I'm proud of the man you have become."
Jin Ling's brow furrows as his uncle assures him that he's done nothing wrong. He hadn't offered apology. He doesn't like the unsought reassurance.
"Don't," Jin Ling says, his voice hard with warning even as he hugs an arm around his uncle's waist and reaches for the remote with his other hand to turn on the television. "Don't ever speak to me of them again."
Jin Ling's love is unconditional, but his presence here is not. He comes with terms, and he intends to enforce them. His uncle no longer has the right to determine the shape of their relationship.
The guilt is inescapable for both of them. His reassurance had been a poor attempt to lift that emotion from Jin Ling's shoulders. He sees where he erred too far immediately and he presses a swift kiss to his nephew's temple.
He flinches at the second part, however, bowing his head tiredly. There were people - lives - that were so good, so pure that he had no business touching them or speaking of them. Jin Ling's parents fell into that category with ease.
"Were you able to retrieve your sword?" that seems like a safer topic, but his eyes dart up to the television, taking in what he sees on the news, "I asked Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen about it and they said Lan Wangji had it."
"He does. I'll get it from him, there's no hurry." He wants his sword back promptly, of course, but he trusts Hanguang-Jun, and they've all got a lot to deal with right now. The sword is the least of it. If nothing else, he expects that both his teacher and his sword will turn up at lessons tomorrow morning. Jin Ling will be there and will be quite indignant if they're not.
"I love you," he says, pressing a soft kiss to his uncle's cheek. There. That's your birthday gift.
Not really paying attention to the television, he starts composing a text to Hanguang-Jun. Though he makes no attempt to hide the screen, he doesn't go out of his way to show it, either.
"No, there isn't." because Jin Ling has protection all around him - a family built of Cultivators to watch his back. The sword is further reassurance, of course, but Meng Yao knows, between them, if anything threatened this boy, it would be slaughtered before it knew what hit it.
He still has business with the white-haired man with a heart on his chest.
Not that he can think about anything else when Jin Ling gives him his gift.
No present has ever been finer.
Meng Yao embraces him, stroking over his hair and simply letting himself enjoy Jin Ling's company. The text message is read absently - he doesn't strain to do so - however the words earn a small, shaky smile.
Jin Ling makes no reply, though he nestles his head against Meng Yao's shoulder, settling in to stay for a few hours. He has made his choice.
He sends a few more texts to Wangji. He doesn't send any to Jiang Cheng. Though his relationship with his uncle Jiang is the closest, their ability to communicate with each other is the worst. He'd prefer to delay the inevitable confrontation over his decision to see Meng Yao again.
"Come up, Fairy." Meng Yao pats the cushion on the other side of Jin Ling, wanting to nestle him between them again. Everything will be complicated outside - emotions will run hot - but right here, right now, they can have some peace.
Aside from Lan Xichen, Jin Ling is the only person who has ever chosen him. He won't take that for granted. He won't let him suffer for it.
"If you are worried about Sizhui, I wouldn't be. He seems like a kind soul."
Jin Ling sets down his phone to pet his dog's ears when she's settled beside him, protective as ever.
"I'm not worried about Sizhui. He got hurt looking for me and then I was..." He gestures, frustrated that his friend was hurt because of him and then hurt more by him. "He'll heal. I'll go back to him in a couple hours."
Once he's done spending time with his uncle. Except that then he gets a notification of a video call and hits accept on it, talking to Wei Wuxian while Meng Yao listens.
"Tell him I said hello." Meng Yao smiles at the pair, "Good girl, Fairy."
She really is a sweet dog and the perfect match for Jin Ling's personality and energy level. He leans back on the couch, closing his eyes for a few moments. It isn't often he feels contentment, but that is what his nephew has brought him.
The notification alerts him that said contentment might shift, clouds covering a sunny day. He listens to Jin Ling stating where he stands and his arm curls around him, supporting him. Wei Wuxian is easier to talk to than Lan Wangji and he isn't surprised that Jin Ling isn't scolded. He shouldn't be.
"He doesn't look well." he murmurs after seeing Wei Wuxian on the screen, "A visit from you would help."
Jin Ling nods, grateful to Meng Yao for being willing to share him. He hugs his uncle again, tightly, and then lets go and gets up. "I'll come visit again in a couple of days."
Fairy gets up with him, but he instructs her back onto the couch, getting her to curl up by his uncle's side. "Stay here, Fairy."
Petting her for a minute to reassure her that this plan is acceptable, he straightens. "She should stay with you for at least a bit, until she decides it's been too long since she's heard from me." The disadvantage to a dog who can teleport at her own whim.
He is already receiving more than he deserves! Being selfish would ruin it and he doesn't hate Wei Wuxian. The man has been fair to him when he could have easily been vengeful.
Meng Yao returns the hug, kissing his cheek.
"I look forward to it." he lifts his arm and then pets over Fairy's fluffy fur, "I'll try to distract her."
Even teleporting dogs liked games and treats.
"She might be a little tired when you see her next." but it will be a good fatigue born of happy playtime, "If he needs to speak with me, he can contact me any time."
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He remembers a lot more than just the date. He remembers how birthdays matter to Meng Yao. He remembers what he had said that night in Guanyin temple. One son given a birthday feast, one kicked down the stairs of Jinlintai.
Of all the things that his uncle said that night, the way he had said it had cut deeper than the string on his throat, than the betrayal of using him as a hostage. Though Jin Ling had done a lot of yelling about his uncle almost killing him, that had never been the part which had broken Jin Ling. He still isn't sure whether his uncle had said what he did in the way that he did it out of desperation for Jin Ling to understand his pain or because he'd wanted to cut a hole in Jin Ling that will never heal.
That's the real gulf that he's reaching across here. The one where his uncle had made his father's death a footnote to his own pain, and the day that marks it.
He doesn't feel his uncle's really entitled to the sobbing.
"Come on," he says, acting a little bit gruff because he doesn't know how to deal with his uncle's emotions and also he doesn't want to. But he does want to be here and to give him this.
Dislodging him gently, Jin Ling keeps an arm around his uncle as he guides him over to the couch, sitting them both down and cuddling against his side, head on his uncle's shoulder.
no subject
He will never forgive himself - and he shouldn't. As good as he is at making others into puppets, he should have pulled back. He could have done so and Jin Zixuan would have lived; Jiang Yanli wouldn't have had to protect Wei Wuxian.
The tragedy had been acted out by others, but he had been the author. And the man he became during it all was a thousand times worse than his father had ever been.
He can be better than that. Jin Ling has his love and his regret and that is what spurs the tears. Meng Yao isn't even embarrassed to show the emotion or to greedily hold Jin Ling against his side once they are settled.
"You have done nothing wrong." he whispers, "I do love you, Jin Ling, and I'm proud of the man you have become."
It needs to be said.
"Your parents would feel the same, I know it."
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"Don't," Jin Ling says, his voice hard with warning even as he hugs an arm around his uncle's waist and reaches for the remote with his other hand to turn on the television. "Don't ever speak to me of them again."
Jin Ling's love is unconditional, but his presence here is not. He comes with terms, and he intends to enforce them. His uncle no longer has the right to determine the shape of their relationship.
no subject
He flinches at the second part, however, bowing his head tiredly. There were people - lives - that were so good, so pure that he had no business touching them or speaking of them. Jin Ling's parents fell into that category with ease.
"Were you able to retrieve your sword?" that seems like a safer topic, but his eyes dart up to the television, taking in what he sees on the news, "I asked Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen about it and they said Lan Wangji had it."
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"I love you," he says, pressing a soft kiss to his uncle's cheek. There. That's your birthday gift.
Not really paying attention to the television, he starts composing a text to Hanguang-Jun. Though he makes no attempt to hide the screen, he doesn't go out of his way to show it, either.
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He still has business with the white-haired man with a heart on his chest.
Not that he can think about anything else when Jin Ling gives him his gift.
No present has ever been finer.
Meng Yao embraces him, stroking over his hair and simply letting himself enjoy Jin Ling's company. The text message is read absently - he doesn't strain to do so - however the words earn a small, shaky smile.
"You are amazing." to put it lightly.
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He sends a few more texts to Wangji. He doesn't send any to Jiang Cheng. Though his relationship with his uncle Jiang is the closest, their ability to communicate with each other is the worst. He'd prefer to delay the inevitable confrontation over his decision to see Meng Yao again.
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Aside from Lan Xichen, Jin Ling is the only person who has ever chosen him. He won't take that for granted. He won't let him suffer for it.
"If you are worried about Sizhui, I wouldn't be. He seems like a kind soul."
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"I'm not worried about Sizhui. He got hurt looking for me and then I was..." He gestures, frustrated that his friend was hurt because of him and then hurt more by him. "He'll heal. I'll go back to him in a couple hours."
Once he's done spending time with his uncle. Except that then he gets a notification of a video call and hits accept on it, talking to Wei Wuxian while Meng Yao listens.
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She really is a sweet dog and the perfect match for Jin Ling's personality and energy level. He leans back on the couch, closing his eyes for a few moments. It isn't often he feels contentment, but that is what his nephew has brought him.
The notification alerts him that said contentment might shift, clouds covering a sunny day. He listens to Jin Ling stating where he stands and his arm curls around him, supporting him. Wei Wuxian is easier to talk to than Lan Wangji and he isn't surprised that Jin Ling isn't scolded. He shouldn't be.
"He doesn't look well." he murmurs after seeing Wei Wuxian on the screen, "A visit from you would help."
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Fairy gets up with him, but he instructs her back onto the couch, getting her to curl up by his uncle's side. "Stay here, Fairy."
Petting her for a minute to reassure her that this plan is acceptable, he straightens. "She should stay with you for at least a bit, until she decides it's been too long since she's heard from me." The disadvantage to a dog who can teleport at her own whim.
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Meng Yao returns the hug, kissing his cheek.
"I look forward to it." he lifts his arm and then pets over Fairy's fluffy fur, "I'll try to distract her."
Even teleporting dogs liked games and treats.
"She might be a little tired when you see her next." but it will be a good fatigue born of happy playtime, "If he needs to speak with me, he can contact me any time."