You should. [Lan Xichen is his favorite - and not because he could trick him.]
I am the child of Jin Guangshan and a prostitute called Meng Shi. It wasn't until I showed a certain aptitude for cultivation that he acknowledged me. I asked him to free my mother and myself - for he had the power to make her a free woman - and he said "forget it". Because my mother was literate and smart, he let her suffer. She was too much trouble. I watched her abused over and over again and that fate wasn't spared me either. It was my mother who first taught me about cultivation, which she learned from books she was able to purchase.
I lost her after the Sunshot Campaign. The fate I designed for my father, Jin Guangshan, was fitting, I thought. He loved his prostitutes and some of those who were with him on that night had been close to my mother.
But you are likely wondering about why I made the choices regarding you, hm, Wuxian? I have spent my life under this heel or that heel, beaten for reasons that were never substantial. However, like my mother, I am smart. Any time I saw an opening to rid myself of the pests and foes in my life, I took it. Whenever I noticed that someone might stand in my way, I rid myself of them.
I wanted a clean and open path to glory - to happiness. I married my half-sister because, if the truth had been revealed, it would have meant she would have suffered like my mother. I killed our son to keep the secret.
Nie Mingjue was one of the ones who noticed what I was doing. I found a way to control him and to eventually drive him mad. I am sorry for his death, for the death of my half-sister, for the death of our son and for the deaths of Jin Ling's parents.
I chose you, Wei Wuxian, because you stood on the fringe. You were like me and yet you had a warm, loving home to call your own. You weren't raised in a brothel or beaten regularly. It wasn't hard to nudge you down various paths or to mimic your musical talent.
I wanted justice. I wanted revenge. But it was difficult to accomplish with so many standing in the way.
[Wuxian knows Meng Yao is likely trying to get a rise out of him. He knows. And yet...- and it takes a few read throughs before he's ready to write a reply-]
You chose me because we're similar? More than you think. Yes, I was adopted. Yes, most of my foster family cared for me.
But you are mistaken in believing I was never beaten.
You are mistaken in thinking I was not hounded by whispers doubting my parentage.
You could have made different choices. You could have gone to Lan Xichen, or me, or-
[...Probably not Wangji.]
Look.
I am sorry for how you were treated. For all your choices and what you tell yourself to justify them.
From the sound of things, you did use your intelligence for some good when you had the power you so craved. You just could have gotten it in a better way.
[Wei Wuxian angers him - or maybe it is his hatred for himself surfacing in his emotions towards the other man? Are there any therapists available?]
I'm sorry you were beaten. It was a near daily occurrence for me. I'm sure you heard the whispers about my parentage too. The sad part of it all is if my father had accepted me, treated my mother right, I would have done anything for him.
Lan Xichen exists beyond the pain, for me. Including him would have ruined what we had.
[Lo and behold, that is precisely what happened.]
Have you told Lan Wangji everything? Are there secrets you keep from him?
Covering my tracks became increasingly difficult. The tiger amulet should have never been in the hands of someone like me.
If you cannot contact me in De Chima, in house three, I can be found in the hospital. [He gives specifics on the department - rehabilitation - and the doctor's name.]
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What good will that do? You know the truth from others, I assume. Will my reasoning erase it?
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But not from you, who did it all. I believe Lan Xichen. [He's not a complete idiot.]
I'm asking the nice way, we could do this the hard way if you'd prefer.
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You should. [Lan Xichen is his favorite - and not because he could trick him.]
I am the child of Jin Guangshan and a prostitute called Meng Shi. It wasn't until I showed a certain aptitude for cultivation that he acknowledged me. I asked him to free my mother and myself - for he had the power to make her a free woman - and he said "forget it". Because my mother was literate and smart, he let her suffer. She was too much trouble. I watched her abused over and over again and that fate wasn't spared me either. It was my mother who first taught me about cultivation, which she learned from books she was able to purchase.
I lost her after the Sunshot Campaign. The fate I designed for my father, Jin Guangshan, was fitting, I thought. He loved his prostitutes and some of those who were with him on that night had been close to my mother.
But you are likely wondering about why I made the choices regarding you, hm, Wuxian? I have spent my life under this heel or that heel, beaten for reasons that were never substantial. However, like my mother, I am smart. Any time I saw an opening to rid myself of the pests and foes in my life, I took it. Whenever I noticed that someone might stand in my way, I rid myself of them.
I wanted a clean and open path to glory - to happiness. I married my half-sister because, if the truth had been revealed, it would have meant she would have suffered like my mother. I killed our son to keep the secret.
Nie Mingjue was one of the ones who noticed what I was doing. I found a way to control him and to eventually drive him mad. I am sorry for his death, for the death of my half-sister, for the death of our son and for the deaths of Jin Ling's parents.
I chose you, Wei Wuxian, because you stood on the fringe. You were like me and yet you had a warm, loving home to call your own. You weren't raised in a brothel or beaten regularly. It wasn't hard to nudge you down various paths or to mimic your musical talent.
I wanted justice. I wanted revenge. But it was difficult to accomplish with so many standing in the way.
[Text]
You chose me because we're similar? More than you think. Yes, I was adopted. Yes, most of my foster family cared for me.
But you are mistaken in believing I was never beaten.
You are mistaken in thinking I was not hounded by whispers doubting my parentage.
You could have made different choices. You could have gone to Lan Xichen, or me, or-
[...Probably not Wangji.]
Look.
I am sorry for how you were treated. For all your choices and what you tell yourself to justify them.
From the sound of things, you did use your intelligence for some good when you had the power you so craved. You just could have gotten it in a better way.
Thousands of innocent people did not have to die.
Re: [Text]
Are there any therapists available?]I'm sorry you were beaten. It was a near daily occurrence for me. I'm sure you heard the whispers about my parentage too. The sad part of it all is if my father had accepted me, treated my mother right, I would have done anything for him.
Lan Xichen exists beyond the pain, for me. Including him would have ruined what we had.
[Lo and behold, that is precisely what happened.]
Have you told Lan Wangji everything? Are there secrets you keep from him?
Covering my tracks became increasingly difficult. The tiger amulet should have never been in the hands of someone like me.
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You did that anyway though, didn't you? It's too bad. What do you plan to do about it here?
[...Meng Yao is too smart and it bugs Wuxian.]
Not yet. But it has all come out, so he knows now. [Thanks to this whole mess.
They just haven't talked about it yet.]
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He and I have spoken. I have no intention of hurting him or anyone else.
[There are a thousand things he can spend his time doing.]
It's difficult, isn't it? To show another your weakest side.
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[ One last chance. ]
I didn't say it's easy. Just that sometimes it needs done.
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Neither did Lan Wangji, I presume?
The Lans are remarkable.
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Meng Yao.
If something happens here...Come to one of us first, before you act. I don't want Zewu-Jun or Jin Ling hurt again.
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Will you greet me with a sword?
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Don't make it necessary.
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[ Yep, making note of the specifics. ]
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[Someone is too good at slicing off limbs. Whole limbs, that is. He doesn't have much of anything left beyond the shoulder.]
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[ Yeah he's...not...gonna apologize for Wangji. ]
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[He won't mention he is also being put in therapy. Arriving like he had meant even the doctors were panicked over his physical and mental well-being.]
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[ They all need therapy. :| ]
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I am only sorry I did not return with Zewu-Jun's sword.
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