Jin Ling has a lot to deal with the day that his heart suddenly returns and his golden core lights up. After the initial gasping and trembling, there's a long fit of sobbing and clinging to his dog and then to his roommate.
But once he finally calms down a little and starts thinking about apologies due, there's somewhere he has to be.
He sends a text on the way, just in case. You home?
But he's already on his way, and it won't be long before he shows up on his uncle's doorstep, knocking lightly at the door. Fairy is at his side, as usual, worried about the amount of crying her person has done today but glad that he no longer feels Wrong.
When the door opens, he offers a shy, apologetic smile. "Hey."
The text surprises him nearly as much as Jin Ling had when he had shown up unexpectedly at his door. Meng Yao is in the process of wording a reply - he wants to say yes so badly, but his encounter with Lan Wangji is making him cautious. As much as he wants to see his nephew, does he have the right?
No. However Jin Ling does have the right to choose who he visits and when. The knock makes his heart race and he hurries to answer it, softening immediately. Relief is his first emotion, but he is confused and worried too.
"Are you -" he starts, forgetting his manners in a fit of concern, "Come in if you like. I'm relieved to see you."
Whole and...himself. Yes, he feels like Jin Ling again.
Jin Ling steps inside, looking unusually awkward and coltish. There's something lanky about him, like he's grown an inch, but it's all in the way he's carrying himself. Being emotionless for a week and then getting it all back, it changed something in him. The emotions are still resettling, but he has a sense that he needs to take responsibility for his actions while he was heartless, and that mantle of chosen responsibility, knit from empathy, is a look that he's never worn before.
"Happy birthday," he murmurs, with a weak, wry little smile.
He's not actually here to apologize, though there are some reasons why he should, even before he'd turned heartless. That's not going to happen.
But he is stepping forward, reaching for his uncle and enfolding him into a hug.
He feels proud without fully understanding what is causing the emotion to swell. The boy seems less a boy and more a man; a man who is a reflection of his father and mother. Meng Yao feels a gulf between them, however he doesn't mind it. If Jin Ling can find his strength after all that has happened - after all he has done to him - he celebrates that fact. However his home is open to him regardless. He will never stop thinking of himself as Jin Ling's uncle.
Out of all of his titles, that is the one that has stuck and mattered the most.
He blinks rapidly at the words; he hadn't expected to hear congratulations from anyone. But what amazes him more is that Jin Ling remembered the date.
Oh how he had been a fool!
He closes his eyes tightly when the embrace comes, wrapping Jin Ling up as tight as he dares with both arms. It is his turn to sob, his shoulders shaking and the tears running hot down his cheeks.
Jin Ling... really isn't sure how to deal with someone else being in a more emotionally volatile state than he is. It isn't a situation that comes up often.
He remembers a lot more than just the date. He remembers how birthdays matter to Meng Yao. He remembers what he had said that night in Guanyin temple. One son given a birthday feast, one kicked down the stairs of Jinlintai.
Of all the things that his uncle said that night, the way he had said it had cut deeper than the string on his throat, than the betrayal of using him as a hostage. Though Jin Ling had done a lot of yelling about his uncle almost killing him, that had never been the part which had broken Jin Ling. He still isn't sure whether his uncle had said what he did in the way that he did it out of desperation for Jin Ling to understand his pain or because he'd wanted to cut a hole in Jin Ling that will never heal.
That's the real gulf that he's reaching across here. The one where his uncle had made his father's death a footnote to his own pain, and the day that marks it.
He doesn't feel his uncle's really entitled to the sobbing.
"Come on," he says, acting a little bit gruff because he doesn't know how to deal with his uncle's emotions and also he doesn't want to. But he does want to be here and to give him this.
Dislodging him gently, Jin Ling keeps an arm around his uncle as he guides him over to the couch, sitting them both down and cuddling against his side, head on his uncle's shoulder.
He has forced Jin Ling down a path similar to his own. Except this child never knew his father or mother; Meng Yao at least had his mother - she had been his confidante and his teacher - and he had a chance to understand his father's nature. Jin Ling had been an innocent baby when he was denied parental affection.
He will never forgive himself - and he shouldn't. As good as he is at making others into puppets, he should have pulled back. He could have done so and Jin Zixuan would have lived; Jiang Yanli wouldn't have had to protect Wei Wuxian.
The tragedy had been acted out by others, but he had been the author. And the man he became during it all was a thousand times worse than his father had ever been.
He can be better than that. Jin Ling has his love and his regret and that is what spurs the tears. Meng Yao isn't even embarrassed to show the emotion or to greedily hold Jin Ling against his side once they are settled.
"You have done nothing wrong." he whispers, "I do love you, Jin Ling, and I'm proud of the man you have become."
Jin Ling's brow furrows as his uncle assures him that he's done nothing wrong. He hadn't offered apology. He doesn't like the unsought reassurance.
"Don't," Jin Ling says, his voice hard with warning even as he hugs an arm around his uncle's waist and reaches for the remote with his other hand to turn on the television. "Don't ever speak to me of them again."
Jin Ling's love is unconditional, but his presence here is not. He comes with terms, and he intends to enforce them. His uncle no longer has the right to determine the shape of their relationship.
The guilt is inescapable for both of them. His reassurance had been a poor attempt to lift that emotion from Jin Ling's shoulders. He sees where he erred too far immediately and he presses a swift kiss to his nephew's temple.
He flinches at the second part, however, bowing his head tiredly. There were people - lives - that were so good, so pure that he had no business touching them or speaking of them. Jin Ling's parents fell into that category with ease.
"Were you able to retrieve your sword?" that seems like a safer topic, but his eyes dart up to the television, taking in what he sees on the news, "I asked Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen about it and they said Lan Wangji had it."
"He does. I'll get it from him, there's no hurry." He wants his sword back promptly, of course, but he trusts Hanguang-Jun, and they've all got a lot to deal with right now. The sword is the least of it. If nothing else, he expects that both his teacher and his sword will turn up at lessons tomorrow morning. Jin Ling will be there and will be quite indignant if they're not.
"I love you," he says, pressing a soft kiss to his uncle's cheek. There. That's your birthday gift.
Not really paying attention to the television, he starts composing a text to Hanguang-Jun. Though he makes no attempt to hide the screen, he doesn't go out of his way to show it, either.
"No, there isn't." because Jin Ling has protection all around him - a family built of Cultivators to watch his back. The sword is further reassurance, of course, but Meng Yao knows, between them, if anything threatened this boy, it would be slaughtered before it knew what hit it.
He still has business with the white-haired man with a heart on his chest.
Not that he can think about anything else when Jin Ling gives him his gift.
No present has ever been finer.
Meng Yao embraces him, stroking over his hair and simply letting himself enjoy Jin Ling's company. The text message is read absently - he doesn't strain to do so - however the words earn a small, shaky smile.
Jin Ling makes no reply, though he nestles his head against Meng Yao's shoulder, settling in to stay for a few hours. He has made his choice.
He sends a few more texts to Wangji. He doesn't send any to Jiang Cheng. Though his relationship with his uncle Jiang is the closest, their ability to communicate with each other is the worst. He'd prefer to delay the inevitable confrontation over his decision to see Meng Yao again.
"Come up, Fairy." Meng Yao pats the cushion on the other side of Jin Ling, wanting to nestle him between them again. Everything will be complicated outside - emotions will run hot - but right here, right now, they can have some peace.
Aside from Lan Xichen, Jin Ling is the only person who has ever chosen him. He won't take that for granted. He won't let him suffer for it.
"If you are worried about Sizhui, I wouldn't be. He seems like a kind soul."
Jin Ling sets down his phone to pet his dog's ears when she's settled beside him, protective as ever.
"I'm not worried about Sizhui. He got hurt looking for me and then I was..." He gestures, frustrated that his friend was hurt because of him and then hurt more by him. "He'll heal. I'll go back to him in a couple hours."
Once he's done spending time with his uncle. Except that then he gets a notification of a video call and hits accept on it, talking to Wei Wuxian while Meng Yao listens.
"Tell him I said hello." Meng Yao smiles at the pair, "Good girl, Fairy."
She really is a sweet dog and the perfect match for Jin Ling's personality and energy level. He leans back on the couch, closing his eyes for a few moments. It isn't often he feels contentment, but that is what his nephew has brought him.
The notification alerts him that said contentment might shift, clouds covering a sunny day. He listens to Jin Ling stating where he stands and his arm curls around him, supporting him. Wei Wuxian is easier to talk to than Lan Wangji and he isn't surprised that Jin Ling isn't scolded. He shouldn't be.
"He doesn't look well." he murmurs after seeing Wei Wuxian on the screen, "A visit from you would help."
Jin Ling nods, grateful to Meng Yao for being willing to share him. He hugs his uncle again, tightly, and then lets go and gets up. "I'll come visit again in a couple of days."
Fairy gets up with him, but he instructs her back onto the couch, getting her to curl up by his uncle's side. "Stay here, Fairy."
Petting her for a minute to reassure her that this plan is acceptable, he straightens. "She should stay with you for at least a bit, until she decides it's been too long since she's heard from me." The disadvantage to a dog who can teleport at her own whim.
He is already receiving more than he deserves! Being selfish would ruin it and he doesn't hate Wei Wuxian. The man has been fair to him when he could have easily been vengeful.
Meng Yao returns the hug, kissing his cheek.
"I look forward to it." he lifts his arm and then pets over Fairy's fluffy fur, "I'll try to distract her."
Even teleporting dogs liked games and treats.
"She might be a little tired when you see her next." but it will be a good fatigue born of happy playtime, "If he needs to speak with me, he can contact me any time."
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Late evening after the Heartless plot ends
But once he finally calms down a little and starts thinking about apologies due, there's somewhere he has to be.
He sends a text on the way, just in case. You home?
But he's already on his way, and it won't be long before he shows up on his uncle's doorstep, knocking lightly at the door. Fairy is at his side, as usual, worried about the amount of crying her person has done today but glad that he no longer feels Wrong.
When the door opens, he offers a shy, apologetic smile. "Hey."
BB WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.
No. However Jin Ling does have the right to choose who he visits and when. The knock makes his heart race and he hurries to answer it, softening immediately. Relief is his first emotion, but he is confused and worried too.
"Are you -" he starts, forgetting his manners in a fit of concern, "Come in if you like. I'm relieved to see you."
Whole and...himself. Yes, he feels like Jin Ling again.
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"Happy birthday," he murmurs, with a weak, wry little smile.
He's not actually here to apologize, though there are some reasons why he should, even before he'd turned heartless. That's not going to happen.
But he is stepping forward, reaching for his uncle and enfolding him into a hug.
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Out of all of his titles, that is the one that has stuck and mattered the most.
He blinks rapidly at the words; he hadn't expected to hear congratulations from anyone. But what amazes him more is that Jin Ling remembered the date.
Oh how he had been a fool!
He closes his eyes tightly when the embrace comes, wrapping Jin Ling up as tight as he dares with both arms. It is his turn to sob, his shoulders shaking and the tears running hot down his cheeks.
no subject
He remembers a lot more than just the date. He remembers how birthdays matter to Meng Yao. He remembers what he had said that night in Guanyin temple. One son given a birthday feast, one kicked down the stairs of Jinlintai.
Of all the things that his uncle said that night, the way he had said it had cut deeper than the string on his throat, than the betrayal of using him as a hostage. Though Jin Ling had done a lot of yelling about his uncle almost killing him, that had never been the part which had broken Jin Ling. He still isn't sure whether his uncle had said what he did in the way that he did it out of desperation for Jin Ling to understand his pain or because he'd wanted to cut a hole in Jin Ling that will never heal.
That's the real gulf that he's reaching across here. The one where his uncle had made his father's death a footnote to his own pain, and the day that marks it.
He doesn't feel his uncle's really entitled to the sobbing.
"Come on," he says, acting a little bit gruff because he doesn't know how to deal with his uncle's emotions and also he doesn't want to. But he does want to be here and to give him this.
Dislodging him gently, Jin Ling keeps an arm around his uncle as he guides him over to the couch, sitting them both down and cuddling against his side, head on his uncle's shoulder.
no subject
He will never forgive himself - and he shouldn't. As good as he is at making others into puppets, he should have pulled back. He could have done so and Jin Zixuan would have lived; Jiang Yanli wouldn't have had to protect Wei Wuxian.
The tragedy had been acted out by others, but he had been the author. And the man he became during it all was a thousand times worse than his father had ever been.
He can be better than that. Jin Ling has his love and his regret and that is what spurs the tears. Meng Yao isn't even embarrassed to show the emotion or to greedily hold Jin Ling against his side once they are settled.
"You have done nothing wrong." he whispers, "I do love you, Jin Ling, and I'm proud of the man you have become."
It needs to be said.
"Your parents would feel the same, I know it."
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"Don't," Jin Ling says, his voice hard with warning even as he hugs an arm around his uncle's waist and reaches for the remote with his other hand to turn on the television. "Don't ever speak to me of them again."
Jin Ling's love is unconditional, but his presence here is not. He comes with terms, and he intends to enforce them. His uncle no longer has the right to determine the shape of their relationship.
no subject
He flinches at the second part, however, bowing his head tiredly. There were people - lives - that were so good, so pure that he had no business touching them or speaking of them. Jin Ling's parents fell into that category with ease.
"Were you able to retrieve your sword?" that seems like a safer topic, but his eyes dart up to the television, taking in what he sees on the news, "I asked Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen about it and they said Lan Wangji had it."
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"I love you," he says, pressing a soft kiss to his uncle's cheek. There. That's your birthday gift.
Not really paying attention to the television, he starts composing a text to Hanguang-Jun. Though he makes no attempt to hide the screen, he doesn't go out of his way to show it, either.
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He still has business with the white-haired man with a heart on his chest.
Not that he can think about anything else when Jin Ling gives him his gift.
No present has ever been finer.
Meng Yao embraces him, stroking over his hair and simply letting himself enjoy Jin Ling's company. The text message is read absently - he doesn't strain to do so - however the words earn a small, shaky smile.
"You are amazing." to put it lightly.
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He sends a few more texts to Wangji. He doesn't send any to Jiang Cheng. Though his relationship with his uncle Jiang is the closest, their ability to communicate with each other is the worst. He'd prefer to delay the inevitable confrontation over his decision to see Meng Yao again.
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Aside from Lan Xichen, Jin Ling is the only person who has ever chosen him. He won't take that for granted. He won't let him suffer for it.
"If you are worried about Sizhui, I wouldn't be. He seems like a kind soul."
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"I'm not worried about Sizhui. He got hurt looking for me and then I was..." He gestures, frustrated that his friend was hurt because of him and then hurt more by him. "He'll heal. I'll go back to him in a couple hours."
Once he's done spending time with his uncle. Except that then he gets a notification of a video call and hits accept on it, talking to Wei Wuxian while Meng Yao listens.
no subject
She really is a sweet dog and the perfect match for Jin Ling's personality and energy level. He leans back on the couch, closing his eyes for a few moments. It isn't often he feels contentment, but that is what his nephew has brought him.
The notification alerts him that said contentment might shift, clouds covering a sunny day. He listens to Jin Ling stating where he stands and his arm curls around him, supporting him. Wei Wuxian is easier to talk to than Lan Wangji and he isn't surprised that Jin Ling isn't scolded. He shouldn't be.
"He doesn't look well." he murmurs after seeing Wei Wuxian on the screen, "A visit from you would help."
no subject
Fairy gets up with him, but he instructs her back onto the couch, getting her to curl up by his uncle's side. "Stay here, Fairy."
Petting her for a minute to reassure her that this plan is acceptable, he straightens. "She should stay with you for at least a bit, until she decides it's been too long since she's heard from me." The disadvantage to a dog who can teleport at her own whim.
no subject
Meng Yao returns the hug, kissing his cheek.
"I look forward to it." he lifts his arm and then pets over Fairy's fluffy fur, "I'll try to distract her."
Even teleporting dogs liked games and treats.
"She might be a little tired when you see her next." but it will be a good fatigue born of happy playtime, "If he needs to speak with me, he can contact me any time."